One area of sexual abuse remains secretive, private, and unprosecuted – incest between family members other than a parent or a sibling. A number of studies regarding incest have been done. To our knowledge, none have specifically included cousins as perpetrators or victims.
There is a difference between an exploitative relationship versus teenage experimentation with each other between equal aged minors. When a teenager exploits and coerces a younger child in his family such as cousins engaging in any type of sexual behavior – even what they might call experimentation – that behavior is sexual abuse. The older cousin is abusing his protective role. Such abuse at the hands of someone who is considered family is devastating whether or not it is legally considered “incest.”
All of this raises difficult questions. Who and when do we talk with children about sex? Children are taught not to talk to strangers and that no one has the right to inappropriately touch them. Importantly, children must understand that this lesson applies to everyone, including family members, including cousins. So many children are abused by a protector and don’t report it because they care for or even love the abuser and they may feel guilt. As alluded to earlier, while there are states that allow cousins to marry, this does not address the problem of a purported protector taking advantage of a victim. Just because two teenagers are allowed to marry, this does not neutralize the fact that a child was sexually abused.
Abuse by a cousin should be taken more seriously. It is not just a mere case of incest. I am myself was a victim of sexual abuse by a cousin in my preteen/ early teen years. I was never asked or spoken to if it was ok to touch me in those intimate areas of my body. There was no ” experimentation or playing doctot”. It was just done to me with no thought. I was not able to tell anyone till i was an adult and I first made the mistake of telling his sister. All that time
I was confused,trapped and ashamed even more because this cousin was a couple years younger than me. How would anyone believe me? Of now that person would be considered about the same age as me NO one would think twice to hold an adult sex offender responsible for their crimes that was 2 years younger than their adult victim. And i was finally able to tell my mom in my early 30s. I am glad she believed me and respected my wishes to not confront him. I am still very compartmentalized about the abuse and the fact I can still be in the same room.